MirrorView Illusions Revised
by Lyrancon
Summary: Revision of an earlier story of mine: Mirroview Illusions. Kai ends up in a sick experiment of his grandfather and ends up between two different worlds. and who could be the familiar face behind that mirror?


_**heya folks, I decided to re-upload this story in a whole, because all those little seperate chapters really got me fed up .  
I want to thank everyone who supported me throught commenting and giving feedback, did this for you people!  
please enjoy ^^**_

Warning !: contains Yaoi (boyxboy) and Lemon. even worse: it's the first lemon I ever wrote so it must suck really hard (haha pun ¬¬ *sighs*)  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to the creators of beyblade. I merely ripped them out of their context for our sick fandom x3

* * *

_DISTORTION_

_Sitting here, writing.  
A letter to someone I can't remember.  
Sitting here, writing.  
In a language unknown to me, I cannot understand.  
Sitting here, writing.  
About the life of a person, I cannot recall. _

_Look in the mirror.  
See distorted images flashing in your mind.  
Look in the mirror.  
With distorted eyes. _

_walking through empty streets.  
Counting all my footsteps, one by one.  
Walking trough empty streets.  
The darkened houses trying to devour me.  
Walking through empty streets.  
I do not know what I am heading for._

_Look in the mirror.  
See distorted images flashing in your mind.  
Look in the mirror.  
With distorted eyes. _

_I'm lying on my bed.  
Crying tears.  
Tears of blood.  
Staining my bed sheets red.  
I'm lying here.  
Crying tears.  
Tears of blood  
Inking my mind black. _

_Look in the mirror.  
See distorted images flashing in your mind.  
Look in the mirror.  
With distorted eyes._

**Kai POV**

_-prologue-_

I am sitting here, in a small, dark room. Writing a letter to a person unknown to me. For how long am I writing now? will I ever stop writing? As in a dream I get up from the chair behind my desk and stretch my arms. They are so sore, everything hurts but when I look at them, nothing can be seen. I stumble to my bed, but I can't seem to reach it. Everything is getting dark in my mind, candles are being blown out by the wind in my head. All I can see is what every mirror shows me, the mutilated image my inner thoughts, flowing like blood past my eyesight.I'm floating in a calm, black nothing. Why can't it stay like this forever? From far away I can hear the soft, rumbling sound of a voice. It's trying to reach me, trying to wake me up. The light of consciousness is breaking through this soothing dark, tearing apart this world without pain.

_-present-_

" good morning Kai. How are we feeling today?"  
I manage to open my eyes and blink to the burning light. There is nowhere to be seen, where this voice comes from, as always. People don't dare to come to me, but I know they are here. I hear their mocking voices every day trough the same intercom.  
" I hope you slept well. suffered from any nightmares lately?"  
The sound of this human voice is cutting trough my mind like bitter knifes. Why can't they just leave me alone? What have I done to them to lock me up like this?

_-past-_

"mommy? Why is daddy removing all the mirrors from the house?"  
I was looking at my mothers worried face, and although she was trying to hide it, she was devastated by something.  
"don't worry about it honey" she said, "daddy will put them back later"  
"mommy, is this because I always see people in a mirror?" looked up at her, she smiled sadly when she spoke, "don't worry about it dear, everything will be just fine".

It was only a few minutes after father had finished taking down everything in which I could see my own reflection, when my grandfather came walking in, smiling sickeningly sweet at me. I instantly knew that whatever was going to happen, it would turn out badly for me. I knew those faces of him. Every time when he had such a sickening look, he would soon be hurting me badly, breaking me to pieces both mentally and physically.

"hello there Kai, how is our growing young man doing?"  
I used my most horrifying glare when looking at the elderly man in front of me.  
"now now Kai," my father said with a little disturbed look on his face "shouldn't you answer your grandfather?"  
I hid behind mother's legs from that haunting face. Why couldn't the old fag leave me alone?

Voltaire, as his name is, stood up straight an faced my parents, while my mother picked me up and just held me in her arms. At least she seemed to understand my trouble. And she didn't wish this to happen, you could see it in her eyes.

Since I was still a little boy, five years of my live had almost passed by in a blur of images and discoveries. And now the subject of all my nightmares would come and so rudely interfere this chain of events. I never had any trouble with my sixth sense, with my distorted mirror images. Oddly enough, I didn't yet realise what was about to happen.  
My father looked at Voltaire and seemed to be making up his mind over the words yet to be spoken out loud.  
"so, if I understood everything you said over the telephone well, you can cure our boy of his visions? Wouldn't it be to risky? We mean no harm to him as you will understand"  
I felt my mother's arms tighten slightly around me. I looked up at her and asked what was already bothering me for a while.  
"mommy, what does granddad have to cure me from? I'm not ill"  
As soon as the words had left my lips I saw her eyes widen slightly and tears appeared. I didn't understood back then what all the commotion was about.

_-present- _

Every time when I close my eyes, I can hear their voices. Those who are long passed whisper in my ear. Even in a place like this, I do not fear their company, as if they are trying to help me to get trough. Still this time everything seems to be different. I blink, once, twice, to the darkness surrounding me. I cannot feel my body anymore, I cannot move a single inch. I try to realign my thoughts, put them back in order, but I can't focus. My head is throbbing with pain, the air I breath is cold, barely supplying me with enough oxygen to stay conscious. Even the voices, to whom I got so accustomed, are slowly dying away, I don't want them to go, they are all the company I ever had, who didn't attempt to ruin my life even further. I can barely hear them anymore, why are they leaving me alone.. Even the last ones who ever speak to me are gone now. I can vaguely hear them scream in agony, as if they are being pulled away from me with force. Suddenly I realise, that for the first time in years, I can feel the iron hand of fear closing around me.

Now I am all alone, I feel weak, similar to the little five year old child that once was left behind, separated from all he once loved and cared about, locked away in a dark cell, screaming for his parents, for some company, crying out with even the farthest corners of his mind. Slowly withering away. Every hour feels like a month, every day like a year, every year appears to be an eternity of loneliness filling me up for over 20 years now. when I try very hard I can vaguely remember the faces of those who cared about me, my mother, my father. I never understood why they allowed him to take me away.

Then there is nothing but pain, that blinding, burning pain. I try to keep myself from crying out, from screaming, but I can't. I feel as if I'm turned inside out, my every blood vessel being pulled out of my body. I can feel the tears streaming over my face, as I scream for mercy. I scream for death to come and take me away, to lead me into peaceful darkness without any trace of feelings, but again it won't come to free me from this hell. It's getting worse, I can barely make sense of this pain.

Suddenly a haunting scream is echoing in my head. Filling me up from the inside with pain is getting even worse, I feel like breaking, when I see someone, appearing out of the blue, floating in mind, reaching his hand out to me. All I can make up of this person, are his stunning ice-blue eyes, I pass out.

_I can hear their voices calling._

_From far below in side me mind._

_Drowning the sound of their haunted cries._

_Inside my mind. _

_I can't remember what I wish to keep._

_Can't forget all of this broken memory._

_The darkness filling me up inside._

_Suffocating my soul, without this light._

_I cannot live in this wicked dream. _

_I scream. _

_I can hear their voices calling.  
From far below in side me mind.  
Drowning the sound of their haunted cries.  
Inside my mind.  
I can't remember what I wish to keep.  
Can't forget all of this broken memory.  
The darkness filling me up inside.  
Suffocating my soul, without this light.  
I cannot go on in this wicked dream.  
I scream. _

_Step through the surface,  
Meet the other end of the line.  
Travel beyond imaginary horizons,  
Follow the sounds of those who have died.  
Leave all reality behind and go,  
Go, and fly away. _

**Voltaire Pov: **

As I leaned over the unconscious body, for a second I wandered. Was he still alive? Did he truly survive the experiment? Or would he be another one out of the several hundred who died in the name of my research? Better said, in the name of my lust for power.

The moment filled with doubt disappeared instantly as I saw the young man's chest heaving up and down slowly, in a regular pace. The computers registered normal brain activity, as if he was dreaming and his heartbeat was pacing at a normal rate. To my sudden realisation I found out I was smiling, not just a normal smile, but a cold wicked and heartless one. Filled with bitter anger and will to destroy human kind as we know it and rebuild it according to my own plans. A realm of death without glory, where I alone would be ruler over all my human slaves. Yes, I think I should actually think you Kai Hiwatari, for serving me this well.

**Kai Pov:**

There is this soft pleasant sound of someone whistling a soft tune that is penetrating my mind, as I slowly regain my consciousness. Somehow my surroundings seem to have grown so much warmer. When I try and open my eyes, I see nothing but darkness at first. Slowly I seem to adjust to this piercing darkness. I try to get up and finally realise I'm lying on something soft and silky. Suddenly all kind of incoherent images flash by inside my mind, playing them in my field of vision as if I were a mere projector.

"_mommy? Why hasn't daddy returned home yet?" I asked my mother, with teary eyes. "he promised to read me a bedtime story", as the adult women pulls herself out of her chair near the crackling fire she slowly nods her head. "he will be hear soon dear, shall I read you a story instead? Then your father will do it tomorrow". I clasped the stuffed in my arms tighter and nodded to the elegant women towering above me and we move to the stairs in silent agreement, that father isn't home enough. _

_A skip in time, suddenly blood is everywhere. I gasp for air, hysteria growing stronger within me. I feel like I'm drowning in the dark red, sticky liquid. "MOMMY" I cry out, "DADDY" I scream, but no one answers me. As strong arms grasp me and lift me up I start to kick and bite, the person holding me, frantically. "DADDY SAFE ME! THEY ARE EVIL! MOMMY! PLEASE!! THEY ARE TAKING ME AWAY!!" and again no one answers, I can see their dead faces reflecting in the blood covered carpet. They are taking me away, and silently I whisper, silently I pray, for my parents to wake up again. To end this nightmare. Mommy will be holding me as I wake up and sooth me back to sleep, or daddy will show me there is nothing to be afraid of._

_I find myself in a completely darkened room, nowhere I can see even the slightest glimmer of light. Everything around me is as silent as the grave. Disorientated I crawl across the floor, as I suddenly bump against a wall, just as invisible as the rest around me in this pitch black void. Everything is so cold and hard. I push myself up against the wall without any result, my legs are too weak to carry the little body weight I have. I crawl once more, following the wall on touch alone, until I find the corner of the room. I feel cold, everything is so quiet. The darkness is pressing on my body and mind, covering me with a suffocating blanket. I curl up on the floor, in the corner, against the cold hard wall and wait, desperately begging for someone to safe me from this inhuman darkness. _

I scream till I almost pass out as a sharp pain fills me up inside, and collapse in the bed, gasping for air. I notice the inky dark that is slowly invading my mind, before I even realise what it truly means, I pass out once more.

_Your hand,  
Against mine.  
Separated by,  
This surface._

_Show me,  
The way.  
How can I,  
Reach you? _

_Will you,  
Teach me.  
To love,  
Someone._

_Show me the way. _

**Kai POV:**

Upon my awakening, I now finally realise the soft warm surface I am on, is actually a bed. Somehow, this entire room seems familiar to me, as if from a dream it came. I get up from the desk and observe the dim, by only a few candles lit, space. In front of me is a single chair, in front of a dark, old writing desk. The only window that is present in the room is shielded by a heavy dark blue curtain, blocking out any light or sound from outside and to my shock, there is no door. How did I end up here?

Incoherent flashes of lost memories sweep trough my mind, a dark room, pain unbearable pain and eyes as pale as the moon, radiating is strikes me, VOLTAIRE! He is behind this all! What kind of sickening test is he conducting on me this time? to see how I react in an unknown environment? Or maybe to test how I destroy something with my bare fists?  
As soon as this though hits me, I realise it can't be the truth. I sit down on the chair in front if the writing desk and observe it's surface critically. Some scraps of paper, pens and writing ink are scattered around.

_I am sitting here, in a small, dark room. Writing a letter to a person unknown to me. For how long am I writing now? will I ever stop writing? As in a dream I get up from the chair behind my desk and stretch my arms._

In a flash parts of long lost dreams come to me. I try to focus on where I am and what is going on to the best of my ability but my own mind is threatening with collapse. I am losing control over my body.

"_mommy? Why is daddy removing all the mirrors from the house?"  
I was looking at my mothers worried face, and although she was trying to hide it, she was devastated by something.  
_"_don't worry about it honey" she said, "daddy will put them back later"  
_"_mommy, is this because I always see people in a mirror?"  
I looked up at her, she smiled sadly when she spoke,  
_"_don't worry about it dear, everything will be just fine". _

It feels like something or someone is trying to split me into little pieces, trying to kill me with their willpower alone. Trying to destroy me with the sheer force of memories and thoughts.I can't see properly anymore, my eyes can no longer get a clear sight. I am losing my balance, try to get up and stumble to the bed but trip and fall on the floor.

_Everything is getting dark in my mind, candles are being blown out by the wind in my head. All I can see is what every mirror shows me, the mutilated image my inner thoughts, flowing like blood past my eyesight. _

Whispers hissing in my ears.  
"The mirror, mirror look in the mirror".  
A breeze is playing with my hair as the hissing sounds grow louder.  
"The mirrors can see you. All mirrors have a face. Show yours to me. Show it!"

I muster all my strength and manage to stand up, a feeling nausea washing over me like tidal waves, almost forcing me to the floor again. I stumble forward to the window, and try to pull the heavy curtains away. I close my hand around the fabric, and pull it there is no window, there is no opening in the massive walls surrounding me, instead there is a vast mirror, reflecting the candlelight back into the room. Suddenly all the whispers stop, and all is quiet. The brutal force, trying to squash me down into oblivion has vanished and I stare at the mirror, not believing what I see.

_The pieces of a broken mirror, _

_Cut trough my flesh so deep. _

_In the reflection of the flowing blood, _

_I see your face fade away. _

**Kai POV:**

_Suddenly all the whispers stop, and all is quiet. The brutal force, trying to squash me down into oblivion has vanished and I stare at the mirror, not believing what I see. _

An entire landscape unfolds before my eyes, dead trees stand, like grotesque unearthly creatures, in the frozen ground. The sky is iron grey, everything is covered in snow and ice. A world, so deserted and cold, no one could survive the emptiness it radiates for long. There are no signs of life, yet I feel something is in there, something is calling me, like the voices that accompanied me for so long, before they withered and died away.

Suddenly I notice, amid this vastness of white, he stands. Somehow I remember his face, somehow I realise I have seen him before. His handsome features, surrounded by fiery spiked hair, is as pale as the surroundings and his clear blue eyes, covered by a veil of emptiness, blankly stare into nowhere. It strikes me, the way he seems to fit so well with the surroundings. When I look better at this, completely out of place world and figure that my mind must be playing tricks on me.

He moves his head, and his gaze falls upon me. Familiar, red hot pain flows trough my system, not physically, but mentally I feel like dying. I try to tear me eyes away, but his gaze has caught me, I cannot move anymore, I have been trapped by his enchanting beauty, created by his sad, distant emotions. As he closes his eyes, the pain lifts immediately. I want to pull the curtains shut, I want to flee from this empty space, but I simply can't. it is impossible to leave him behind, it is almost as if he is calling me, trying to get close to me, while all I want to do is sleep, and forget about everything.

Before I even realise it myself, I pressed my hand palms lightly against the surface of the mirror, a questioning look and a few seconds later, he swiftly moved towards me. He is so close I could touch him, if this surface wouldn't have kept us apart. Up close he looks even more stunning then I thought. His skin is flawless, and his eyes are shredded by so many different emotions I can't make out which is which at all. Out of nowhere a fiery desire catches me completely unaware. I want to touch this young male, I want to hold him and sooth him, if there wouldn't have been this surface between us.

A sad smile masters his face. He looks me in the eye again, but there is no pain, just an overwhelming desire to break this surface, to remove all the barriers that hold us back, to be with him.

_Even when I am walking in the light,  
Of the sunshine so bright.  
I know there will always be,  
A shadow creeping behind me.  
When I feel watched,  
I look over my shoulder.  
But nothing's there. _

**Voltaire POV:**

Doubts are rising inside me. Somehow an anxious feeling seems to invade me, growing stronger every breath I take. After almost a week of his unconscious state, he still hasn't woken up. Could it be that, even after all my preparations, this experiment is still failing? My ultimate goal was to create a link between the two dimensions of the earth, between the realm of the living and the realm of the dead, and become the sole, ultimate ruler over both kingdoms. My dreams of immortality would finally become sweet reality, finally, after years upon years of preparations.

After all, humans are amazing creatures, but somehow lack the power and the will to realise that one day, they will die. Everything they lived for will be gone with their last breath. Life is useless, unless you can counter death in someway. I could become the richest man in all eternity it I defeat my own death. I will be granted power that can even stop the merciless flow of time. I will win my money by letting people buy their immortality, they'll have to pay, otherwise I'll let them die in an instant. Call it pure dictatorship, scheming of an evil scientist, call it insane if you want but one day I will gain this control. I will, soon now.

Sometimes I question myself, why did I wait for so long? I had the perfect circumstances right under my nose all the time, why did I wait? Everything starts and ends with that no-good grandson, Kai.

My son had always been a foolish man, he tried so hard to be a worthy heir to the Voltaire company but in the end he wasn't even good enough to polish my cheapest pair of shoes. He married a useless woman, who did nothing but soften him up inside, persuading to be more at home with her and their baby son than at work. What a shock it was to them, when they realised their son could never be they way they wished for. His paranormal gift destroyed their parental love, the feared him.

The fool, in a last attempt to safe his family, called my, begging me for help. He knew I held a great deal of interest in the occult and had a lot of knowledge about it. I gave him a choice, either live together with an accursed child, or get him cured by me and live without him. It took my son and his wife days to agree on what to do, finally phoned me and told me I could come and take him away. After all, who could possible live with a child, who saw dead spirits in every reflecting surface in his vicinity?

All was set, the van was parked outside their mansion, the sedatives and tie wraps where all readied for our little guest. As I entered the house, I finally realised the majority of the problem. Their house used to be decorated with mirrors of all sizes because my sons hag loved them so much, now they were all gone. The walls were empty, every reflecting surface taped or painted. They were waiting for me in the hallway that lead to the main sitting room, their faces twisted by sweet, sweet agony. I could hardly keep my need to laugh at them in their faces at bay.

"hello there Kai, how is our growing young man doing?" I spoke, in the most sickening sweet voice I had. It had the desired effect on that little piece of crap, who glared foully at me.

"now, now Kai," that idiot of a son said with a little disturbed look on his face "shouldn't you answer your grand father?"

Kai chose not to answer and hid behind his mothers leg instantly, she picked him up and held him tightly. Oh even now I can clearly recall the pain in their eyes, I can still taste their despair in my mouth.

My son looked at me and seemed to be making up his mind over the words yet to be spoken out loud. He never was a bright light, and it annoyed me greatly that he always needed so much time.

"so, if I understood everything you said over the telephone well, you can cure our boy of his visions? Wouldn't it be to risky? We mean no harm to him as you will understand"

I nodded in reply, smirking inside my mind, of course I'd cure him for you, yeah right in your dreams you worthless piece of crap.

"mommy, what does granddad have to cure me from? I'm not ill", the naivety is killing my evil vibes totally, I needed to repress the urge to strangle him that instant.

The following things went very fast. The moment I took Kai from his mother's arms two men appeared behind me, their guns cocked and aimed for their targets.

"What is going on in here! What are these men doing here, Voltaire what is going on?" even now I can lively remember how he screamed to me, lovely.

"oh you and your worthless wife are finally catching up now aren't you? I always knew you were slow but this dense, no I never expected this."

With a snap of my fingers they died by my hand, and I never regretted I did bestow death upon them. Not once I did, after all, no one wants eavesdroppers in their experiments now do they?

Now I finally had my ultimate test person, I needed to development the perfect conditions, that suited him as a guinea pig. It took me quite some time to develop the perfect circumstances, and in that time, he had grow to an abominable young man. He could hardly stand bright lights and was on the verge of insanity from loneliness. In other words, no one missed him ,he was a wreck and perfectly fit for the final experiment. And until now, I still haven't felt any sting of regret towards the lives I wrecked, just slight anxiousness. What if my experiment failed? Then I needed to find another test person, and that would be a total waste of time.

Right now, the plan to my final act wasn't so difficult at all, the only problem that just HAD to come up was that something went wrong AFTER the experiment. That useless moron is resisting me, he refuses to be drawn back into this world. Currently, his spirit seemingly is residing in a so-called intersection. He is stuck between two dimensions and he refuses to go either back to this world or move on to the next one.

Although the current situation might prove slightly troublesome at the moment, I will resolve the matter. I do not fear, I do not regret, all I do now is long for everlasting, eternal power. I have the will and the brains to reach out for it, all I have to do is grab it. I will not fail my experiment, all trace of doubt has vanished. I will rise above even my own dreams and expectations, I will succeed.

_Everything fades,  
The dew in the cool morning sun's rays,  
As the bright light plays,  
hide and seek with your eyes._

Everything fades,  
Colours blending in the night,  
Forming a small light,  
Of hope inside a withered heart.

_Everything fades,  
Like this mirror's view illusion.  
No longer your decision,  
To take. _

**KAI POV:**

I am still standing here, separated from him by this surface. Somehow, after several minutes, the pressure seems to lift a bit.  
It is almost like the silence is transporting our desires and thoughts trough this glass membrane.  
It is almost like his face lightens up by every breath I have decided to devote to his existence.  
Somehow those pale, icy eyes, have invaded me. They are searching me out, finding my weak spots, control me like a puppeteer.  
Yet I cannot believe in any bad intention. His sorrowful smile creates an unearthly longing in me.  
A longing to touch him, to hold him, to sooth this incredible pain he's sharing with me.

Suddenly it dawned to me, where I had seen his face before, why he seemed so familiar to me.  
That dream, so long ago, was in the same room, the same bed, the same drawers, the same paper and pens, the same chair.  
I woke up when I looked in a mirror, but I never realised what it showed me. It showed me his face, his sorrowful features and this cold, grey, lifeless landscape.  
I stumbled away from the mirror, and his face twisted in agony and fear. I want to look away from this man, tear my gaze away.  
I want to wake up, I WANT TO WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!  
I fall backwards, shut my eyes tightly, waiting for my body to collide with the floor, a dull thumb on the hard wood.  
I opened my eyes again, I was still in this room, he was still there. Sorrow had claimed his beautiful features.  
As tears slowly started to fall, like light summer rain, he mouthed words for me I could not hear. I manage to read his lips, and feel myself grow cold.

"don't leave me here"

suddenly his voice is echoing through my head, and a horrendous pain masters my nervous system yet again.  
I curl up on the floor, tears streaming over my face, twisted in pure agony.  
I cannot see the world around me, everything is blackened out by this pain, tearing me apart.  
An ear shattering scream fills up my entire consciousness, my entire being. Visions are blurring through my head  
He was my age, he went through the same suffering, suddenly, everything became clear to me. I hadn't been his only test subject.  
The young man on the other side of the mirror, was just one of the people who went before me, in this gruesome experiment.

VOLTAIRE POV

I can't believe it's really happening, it's really going to end this way. There is nothing I can do to stop this. my experiments, all I worked for so hard, it's slipping through my fingers like sand in the sea. This devastating morning, one of those foolish good-for-nothing, so called scientists informed me that that useless piece of human, lying on this metal slab in front of me, is not going to wake up anymore.

Well so be it then, if I cannot have it my way Kai, I needn't keep you here either. You know what happens with people who cross me kai, you know what will overcome them.  
They dissapear from my sight, and I cannot help but to fall in love with their cries of agony and pain, their final gasping, shuddering breath before they die a horrible death.  
And you know Kai, you know what is going to happen? Of course you don't, you are in this far away world, which should have been within my power already a long, a very long time ago.

You failed to serve the purpose I created for your futile existence. Such a waist of the effort and the money to keep you alive, don't you agree?  
No of course you don't, you never agreed with anything I told you, oh you always where a pain in the ass.  
Be happy I am granting you your final wish fool.  
Soon, very soon, you'll see them again. Oh yes you will.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Come now, lost child of the night.  
Let not his darkness keep you, let not your fears bind you,  
To this rotten and lonely life._

_Come to me now, leave it all behind.  
Let my embrace smother the last life within you.  
So that untill eternity we can be together in my frozen paradise._

_Come to me, Come to me and forget.  
Forget how to live, unite with your ending, don't be afraid.  
I'll be waiting on the other side of the veil of molten sand.  
To love and care, because death won't part us any longer._

**KAI POV:**

Last night I had this dream as well, I suddenly remember now. The same darkness without an end, the same lonely scared feeling.  
It's suffocating me, the cold air is so hard to breathe. I feel so small, so insignificant. Those who cared about me, they died such a long time ago. this darkness around me, it's forcing me to relive all these rotten memories over and over again. I wish I could just let go, if only I could wake up.  
even that windowless room is better than this. At least I am not so terribly lonely there. I still have him around to look at, to fool around with, if only he where here now.

I have to sit down, my legs are so tired from carrying me all the way within this nothingness. I feel so tired. When I would fall asleep now, would I ever wake up again? Why can't I just cross over? I'm feeling so heavy, so cold and empty.  
I have enough of this shit, I want to get away from here, away from this empty darkness of a dead man's dream world.  
Hahahaha and I'm not even dead yet, how now, what about this bit of irony?  
I can feel everything slipping away. Come then, come for me, you can have me all the way you wish. Why do you wait any longer to claim my restless soul?

Suddenly, I can see a little light from within this darkness, so idiotic, I don't even believe in a god.  
The light's a warm, fuzzy red color. Drawn like a moth to a flame I get up to my tired feet again. Staggering I walk closer and closer to the light, until I realize this isn't my long awaited salvation. It's even better I would say.  
It's him.

He's standing there, just standing, seemingly waiting for something to come. This feeling, I don't know what to do with it, I don't know what it means at all. Everything is tingly and my body feels like it's no longer mine, as he approaches me, his iced eyes stuck to me in a longing gaze.  
Somehow it entrances me, I'm drawn deeper and deeper in this cool blue. I fear it, and yet I desire it, with every step he takes I wish more for those eyes to me mine, and mine only to look upon.  
A wild craving invades me, and I realize that his self-containtment, alike with mine, is as flaming as his fiery hair. Only inches apart, I again feel this fear, because I simply cannot understand this feeling. I never felt like this before, ever in my miserable empty life. The fact it is such an unknown thing, makes me uncomfortable and I start to back off a bit.  
It's too late, there is no turning back now. I have fallen too far for his entrancing beauty.

My mind suddenly fills itself with images, from another life or so it seems. He and I, we're sharing not the same faith as we met with Voltaire. We share whole lifetimes together. All that happened is that he went before me, and waited for me to come. We are one and the same, two sides of one coin. Memories from past lifetimes, as far back as ancient civilisations, we share.  
I no longer feel any fear or regret and simply succumb to his touch on my body.  
As our lips meet, it is as if a fire is light within me. I can feel passion and desire course through my veins like a inflammable burning liquid. At first the gentle touch is overwhelming, however so soon, the craving for intensity overwhelms me. I need more, I need him more.

No more barriers to hold us back, I surrender.

His presence is everywhere. His lips on my neck, hands under my shirt. I cannot repress a gasp of sheer pleasure, as he caresses the sensitive skin underneath his fingers so skillfully. I fully surrendered to his presence, leaving his imprints in my body. I cannot remember how or when I wrapped my arms around his neck, craving for even more intense contact. Our lips meet once more, catching up in a fiery battle for dominance that I am bound to lose no matter how I look at it. I still try, and muster the courage to fight back. As if in a dream we are all entangled in a mess of limbs, all barriers have disappeared, my mind filled with nothing but desire still has some control after over this insane dream after all. All clothing is gone, vanished within the blink of an eye, as he presses himself flush against me, forcing my on my back without any mercy.

I feel moans in pleasure well up in my throat and bite down in my lip, trying to keep the embarrassing noises in, tasting the blood welling up from the little wounds I created. His hands skillfully make their way lower and lower, touching and feeling, forcing me to surrender the little pride and dignity I still had left within me. I can no longer hold back these moans of pleasure, but with them comes the craving to make him produce the same noise as me.

I can feel his hand wrap around, his slow and teasing strokes driving me completely insane. I manage to produce a snarl in frustration, which only causes him to laugh in a very suggestive manner of speaking. However it did get the message across, as he speeds up the movements.  
There is nothing left but sweet sensation, overwhelming pleasure taking complete control over me. Arching my back so far it might snap any moment, I don't care. Twist and thrust my hips, craving for more friction then suddenly he stops.

I snap my head up with an angry frustrated expression, trying to hide my panting, shaky breathing. He leans over me, brushes his lips against the shell of my ear, seductively breathing down my neck. Lips moving down, down, down.

Collarbone, chest, found himself a nipple. I gasp, and shut my eyes tightly, trying to savior this feeling but he's on the move again. Lower and lower his lips trail, down my sides to my thigh I shiver. For a second I can't feel them anymore and as I am about to say something about it, the air gets sucked out of my lungs. I gasp, once twice trying to fill them up again. Stars around me, sparkling blocking my vision.

His skillful tongue, working me all over, soft warm lips, sliding over every inch of length. I can feel this strange pressure building in the pit of my stomach. I can feel how everything is slipping away from underneath me, as I start trembling and shaking all over. The tension is so great it feels as if my veins are popping.  
All this strain, an ultimate sensation washes over me, as I come to my final release.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Fear  
Pain  
Regret  
Revelation  
Realize  
Accept  
Release  
Freedom  
Ending credits._

I woke up within this windowless room once more, recalling my dream put a spell on my mind. I walk to the desk and sit down, this blank page before. I grab a pen and start writing. The further I get, the more it is starting to shape up as a letter. Last night awakened all sorts of memories in me, of both future and past lives or so it seemed.

As I write and write I realize I don't know who I'm writing too, why I am writing at all. Still I feel I have to, since every life we shared, ended in a similar way. Perhaps it is for a future self, to realize what has happened perhaps I really have lost my mind now. Everything is possible, within this senseless maze.

I scream and drop my pen, a pain like burning knives cutting in my arms. I feel like fainting, it hurts so bad, there is blood everywhere. Frantically I look for the source, why am I bleeding so badly? Staggering to the bed, is this the end? Will I go and die just like this.  
Words are echoing in my head:

"_You failed to serve the purpose I created for your futile existence.  
Such a waist of the effort and the money to keep you alive, don't you agree?  
No of course you don't, you never agreed with anything I told you, oh you always  
where a pain in the ass."_

Realization strikes me, the fag decided to end his gruesome experiment like this them. Just pop the veins and watch the blood flow freely, like some twisted fascinating dinner show. Why does my life end like this? Whole my life I've been a useless, powerless piece of shit, this way seems to fit me. A painful though to regret a life that you never really lived to begin with.

A calm feeling comes over me, I struggle back to my feet again. If I have to go, I'll say goodbye to you. Locked away behind the mirror, trapped within a frozen world of your own, I will say goodbye to you.  
I slump to the floor, my last strength leaving me, he is there already, waiting for me. The indescribable sadness on his face, only seems to worsen the pain I feel, as he kneels down and reaches out to me.  
And the last breath my lungs took for me passes by, as I rest myself against the mirror and die.

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There is a warmth around me, a presence that can only be of calm and peaceful minds. Two strong arms lifting me to my feet again. I have been given another chance.  
Behind this endless window, of mirroring glass. I've overcome the illusions, with my own death. Free my soul shall drift once more, besides the one whom I've come to love.

* * *

**well that was it! I really hope you enjoyed reading and please review and all, I need feedback to know what I can improve!! **

**luvs,  
Lyrancon**


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